December 18, 2013
other than that, i spent time with some dear friends and it was great to catch up. and i am thankful for lazy sundays. i didn't leave house at all and curled up on the couch with Harlee and took two or maybe even three naps. listened to the Packer game, as my TV box doesn't get channel 11 for some odd (depressing) reason.
it's crazy to think our little one is in fact a he or a she now, and i'm becoming more and more terrified having to listen to other mom's describe how painful breastfeeding is, how the kicks are cute at first and then painful towards the end when they kick you in the ribs and what not, and blah blah blah. to be honest, i don't want to listen and don't want to hear. if i did, i'd ask a million questions, but this momma just likes to keep things to herself and didn't ask for those opinions. and i know it's going to be even harder to avoid the closer i get to the end of this pregnancy. it's gonna suck. for me, i think it's more comfortable going in blind and not knowing what to expect because then people build things to be more than maybe what they really will be. it's not fun for me to hear/listen to. sorry. i wish i could just block out everything that has and will be said to me. if only.
apparently i have been very on-edge lately about talking about anything pregnancy and baby-related, and i have a feeling it's not going to let up anytime soon. apologizes ahead of time folks. i may just give the excuse that slowly the reality of my husband not being here for any of it, or after the baby comes, and missing EVERYTHING is actually going to happen. it makes me a bit bitter that he can't share in these and those moments. ladies be grateful to have your husband home with you every day or maybe every week if that's the case. know that you are lucky to have someone there who can comfort you and be there for you. not having mine around is starting to get to me. slowly.